Quarter life reflection
Saying goodbye to my 24th year with love and compassion, and embracing a new beginning, as a new version of myself.
The 17th of October, the day that marks one more year of existence for me. The energy flowing through me, the feeling that I am on the right path, and that nothing can stop me. While some may become scared of the idea to turn 25, to me, it feels like grounding. A day to look back at all the years behind me that served as a stepping stone to become who I truly am, who I truly am now, under all these layers. To be stripped from all the masks, to return home.
My 24th year was filled with challenges I never thought I could overcome: my first severe heartbreak, followed by some sort of spiritual awakening. Being guided and protected by forces I cannot explain. Themes like trust, boundaries and self-compassion were present, all around me, through different events and people. Facing my shadows, and how they prevented me from living an authentic life, as giving up safety meant facing the chance to fall, and hard. Like standing in front of a cliff, and knowing deep down that jumping is necessary, despite other people’s judgments that doing so would be crazy. But just knowing deep down that it is my duty to fulfil.
So, for one of the first times in my life, I started to listen to this voice. So I jumped and fell into the unlimited realm of darkness, but also light. Flying through different realities, different timelines, time becoming non-linear. Saying goodbye to previous versions of myself with love and grace, but also with a lot of sadness, as I realised that they never existed from a source of authenticity, but that they arose from a need to survive. And I discovered that it was not me, but a higher version of me, trying to reach and guide me through it.
Jumping and falling was a truly scary experience: I could do nothing but surrender to all the emotions taking over in my body. It felt like thousands of swords penetrating me from behind in my back, leaving no space to breathe, no hope to believe that one day, this would be over. It truly was like going through a death process, and one of the deepest pains I have ever experienced in my life.
But, over time, I learned to surrender to the stream I entered, to see the darkness and pain as a necessity to become whole, as it opened the crack for the light to enter, and it was as if everything was falling into its place. People who entered my life and played a big role in my healing process, in ways that one would think how it was possible that our bodies decided to meet at those specific moments. The realisation that randomness may not exist, and that things are more interconnected than one would think. That the darkness brings rise to the light, and that both are necessary for us to fully exist and experience each moment. That there are way more things than we can currently measure, and perhaps one day, we may be able to do this.
Turning 25 feels like a clean slate, a chance to start over, but this time with a different identity. A different me, the true me that arose after a period of integration, in which segregated parts of myself which got scattered along the way started to come together. The masculine and feminine energies in me, which are dancing together, attempting to seek some sort of equilibrium. But knowing that I am on my way.
And that, as I said, nothing can stop me.
Today, I feel truly grateful for the life I have built so far. I feel grateful for the people who accompanied me, who shared their unconditional support and love with me. Who reflected parts of myself I was not even aware that I had in me. For the support from my family, my friends, knowing that all of them are doing their best with the tools and time they have. To be seen as a human, and to see them as a human as well: containing both darkness and light. For my grandparents, their presence, especially my granddad’s presence, as I can feel his presence. I know he is here, close to me, accompanying me with every step that I take, and that he was there at very crucial moments, guiding me into the right decisions to take in my life. Grateful for the experiences I get and have engaged with since a very young age, ALL the experiences, the good and the bad ones. I feel grateful for the education I received, for the opportunities coming my way, and for the chance to live and give back all the love and positive energy to the people around me.
To fall in love with life is truly a privilege,
and my 25th year of this earth will be the time to integrate all of these life experiences into something that can help the people around me, to contribute to this earth in a positive manner. To make a difference in this world, no matter how small. To stay present and conscious with every action I undertake. And to, above all, enjoy the journey. Because in the end, life is short.
A short note to myself: I am proud of you, I am so proud of you. You have no idea, and you deserve all the love, peace and good vibes.
You deserve to live a happy life.
You deserve people around you who make you feel loved.
You deserve to feel safe.
You deserve everything you aspire in this life.
And yes,
you can,
and you will.
This is beautiful 💖